bits for Rosanna

Here's an update of what I've been up to:

Learning Rhinoceros

Rubber duck tutorial


Tower of Samara, thanks to Gabe




Baptistery in Florence


Figuring out how I will cast/make molds

Starch 3d printer in the shop isn't operational (surprise!) so I tried the casting wax process on these babies (though not ideally shaped to be molds) to roughly see how the paraffin will react to the starch as a mold material.

The Vs mark the sides I smeared with vaseline, hoping the wax would more easily slip away with a little lube.

As you can see it didn't really make a difference. This might be due to the odd internal voids in the make-do forms... the wax ended up interlocking in a way that it probably won't in my objects. Still, I thought I'd be able to kind of break off pieces here and there but the wax was too tightly bound to the mold. There was one small thin sheet of wax (from sloppy pouring) that slid off a very greased surface so that was a bit promising.

Most molded candle-making requires the use of a mold release agent to separate candle from mold- usually a silicone-based spray, though vegetable oil spray can be used as well. With this in mind I tried again, this time in a more regularly shaped mold- paper coffee cups- and with olive oil as another lube option.



They were left overnight at room temperature. None of them came out at first. The little bore holes on top are from me trying to push them out with a pen. I put them in the freezer for around 5 minutes and then tried again. All of them slid out well enough with a bit of pressure. The olive oil had the nicest surface finish, though not by too much.



I'm still unsure of how to go about doing this project. I like the paraffin enough as a material- its soft white colour (was hoping it would be more translucent/clear but whatever), odourlessness (will take scent without interference), easy workability (low melting point and not too toxic as far as I know)... and it's relatively cheap. I just hope I can make a decent mold for it.

regarding your thesis

(Thanks Sarah)

For Vien

three acts regarding your thesis:

1. Copying: recreate an existing collection (the scent exhibition? the smelling salts collection?) [perhaps remove the actual object...a sent-less scent exhibition where you ask your participants to imagine the experience of smelling a certain thing...a smelling salts collection where the bottles are purchased from ikea?] the idea is to exercise your curatorial instincts without concern for the content.

2. Composing: take your blog-posts to the next level...make your own website or e-book or book or magazine with minimal text contribution from yourself...working with your existing material but taking more control over the format and presentation. (maybe include marketing or distributing the composition...)

3. Writing: curate an installation or exhibit for which you play docent. repeatedly explaining the significance of your collection could help you work out your text

s

300 words

This is more like 400 words... apparently I can really spit it out when it's about me, my insecurities and lack of confidence. How frustrating for everyone. For a refresher on what I'm talking about, thesis-structure-wise, check out this post.

I've been feeling pretty out of sorts this past while and I want things to change. Or is it more active for me to say, I want to change...? Because I do...

Other thoughts: I go back and forth in my mind and in conversations with people about the role of scent in my thesis. Another thing that comes up now and then when I think about it is design... it's not that I think this should be a "DESIGN" thesis but I feel that there's something missing. Could that thing be design? I don't even know what I'm talking about. In any case, it is kind of nice to be posting again. Here are we go.


300 words on the danger of my thesis stand, July 21st, 2009- eclipse!

I think I’ve already complained that I’ve been seeing everything in nothing these days- how I’m concerned that this whole thesis endeavour has been smoke and mirrors of my own doing... (undoing, desire, delusion?) The danger of seeing everything in nothing is that it inevitably turns to the worry or realisation that perhaps there is nothing to see when looking at everything. Is it possible to see the void that connects matter without addressing the matter at hand? (Where is the substance? Is this like a figure ground thing? Can everything be made architectural-sounding? Why am I resistant to this?)

Or is the danger actually that I hope to look at ‘everything’ (or at least a lot- a diverse lot) but say nothing? If I were to present a book with no thesis- that is, a thesis book with no overarching statement or intent, would it still be a thesis? I imagine a book of short essays- writing on topics loosely filed under the physical constraints of curiosity cabinet, garden, and places of worship.

Perhaps the real danger of my thesis resides in its passivity- not only my listlessness in doing (trying to do) it, but the emptiness of a thesis without an explicit statement; will there be anything to grasp or hold onto? (defend?) Is there magic in a cabinet waiting to be filled, a plot of soil to be seeded, a wonderful place with no inhabitants? Even when these spaces are filled and subsequently described, it will still be up to the viewer to overcome the inertia of only seeing in order to be touched. Does the premise of my thesis rely too much on the reader to make sense of it, to see the point of it?

Sure, a book in itself is a passive object, waiting for someone to open its covers and give its existence purpose. But what to make of a book that only kind of shows (hopefully revealing something unknown/unacknowledged?) but remains largely mute? Is it too much to ask the reader to feel, think, remember, and look beyond the words to make/find their own meaning in the work? Because as the creator of this work I’m already confused before I’ve really begun. I feel too lost to begin. While it’s not necessarily dangerous (and perhaps even good sometimes) for a reader to be confused, it’s dangerous if it leads to boredom. (indifference, paralysis.)

before I forget

From all those possibilities posted the other day, and a long talk with a friend the day after, here is the latest deal, or iteration of the deal:

curiosity cabinets
(cultivated??) gardens
spaces of worship/commune (temples, churches, etc)- the term "sacred spaces" doesn't feel right

either in general (freedom to go in any direction I want)
or through a specific site/example for each (if I am so compelled)
or through corresponding/parallel examples, ie, evolution through history? primitive to modern interpretations? ranges and changes in scale? (would involve more decisiveness, planning, focus... intent... things I've proven not so good at)

and if possible (if it still feels right to/makes sense to) use scent to tell the story, or set the tone, or as something to go back to... ? Not sure how it fits/what its role is... don't want to lose it though.

What I imagine is a matrix, however structured or amorphous, that will cover and somehow connect all the little things, all my little words, into a string that A) I like, and B) that will get me the fuck out of here. C) as soon as possible!

The idea is to go through the possibilities posting, try to figure out what I was thinking at the time, and see where it fits (or doesn't) into the matrix. I should give myself one day to see which hat fits the best for now. Or which hats are the best options for my price range.

possibilities

Okay, I've been terrible. But that doesn't mean I can't change, right?

Potential topics?/themes? for my own little wunderkammer:

scent/essence/perfume
smelling/sensing/wonderment/delight
perception
instinct
archives/museums

fireworks
perspective/views
fiction/lies/narrative
search for/chasing/passage
ether/alchemy

identity/classification
bodies
darkness
scale
uncertainty

style/aesthetics
dreams
fear
death/soul
time/cause/effect

observation
documentation
illustration
investigation
exploration

replication
reproduction
reflection
representation
reduction

depth/surface
nature/unity/balance
unicorns
nomadic
patterns

threshold/inside/outside
useful/useless
relics/tools
sites/boundaries
matter/material

novelty
beauty
desire
limits/periphery
control

science fiction/fantasy
romance
thriller/horror/murder mystery
poetry
tragic comedy

decisions, decisions

"Fig.2 - A taxonomy of uncertainties and decisions"

This diagram is from this strange article, The ethics of uncertainty: in the light of possible dangers, research becomes a moral duty, published by EMBO, the European Molecular Biology Organization, found on the web through Nature Magazine.

“Any scientist knows that knowledge is never complete and that research can do no more than produce estimates of what we think is happening. Science, at least in part, is not about facts but about odds. Yet accepting and realizing this principal uncertainty is a conceptual challenge, and it is within this framework that we must make decisions of a moral nature…Uncertainty itself has no ethical quality—it is an inherent attribute of a situation. However, in a potentially dangerous situation, uncertainty can trigger ethically adjusted behavior that aims to avoid dangers and diminishes risks." (from article above)

Also check out Figure 1, The Igloo of Uncertainty. The igloo schematically “distinguishes between open and closed forms of both ignorance and knowledge.”

I’m not sure why I’m so fascinated (and puzzled) by this article. I think I’m drawn to the language and its terms, even if they are used to discuss an unfamiliar topic in a way that is very different from what I’m used to.

The allure resides in the promise of clarifying certain ideas and relationships I’ve found difficult to define for myself: ethics, morality, danger, risk, certainty, uncertainty, research, facts, knowledge, and ignorance. The more I read it, the less I want to understand it word for word; and at the same time, I feel there must be another layer of comprehension or parallel reading to be distilled from it. But I’m not getting it.

The End of Philosophy, (no, not the Heidegger but this op-ed piece in, what else?, the New York Times), on moral emotions, or is it emotional morality?, is more of my grade level. It’s not especially good or compelling but I liked the concluding lines: "Finally, it should also challenge the very scientists who study morality. They’re good at explaining how people make judgments about harm and fairness, but they still struggle to explain the feelings of awe, transcendence, patriotism, joy and self-sacrifice, which are not ancillary to most people’s moral experiences, but central." (moral allusions and associations in scent?)

I was given a book I like very much for my birthday last fall from a friend I was feeling very uncertain about at the time. It is called The Principles of Uncertainty, by Maira Kalman. (small review here.) He knew I felt uncertain about a lot of things, especially my thesis. We both wondered without saying, how can such a hesitant and doubtful person ever find a way into this profession of ideals, decisions, solutions, permanence?

manual labour

Trying to conjure up an abstract but drawing a blank, worried (constantly worried!) I'm going to shoot blanks, one after another.

Instead, here are some things I wrote down as I watched that interview earlier. To preface these notes I should mention that I had no idea who those men were as I watched their conversation... I had the vague sense that one was a somewhat famous artist, and the other, a well known television personality. It was nice to watch and listen with no preconceptions, no preformed biases other than knowing it was going to be a certain kind of talk - not a candid chat amongst friends, not a scripted act, but something walking the line between.

While I was quite taken by what Clemente had to say, I wasn't that crazy about most of the actual pieces shown. They are nice and all but don't really resonate with me, strike me down like I like to be struck. Strewn in this posting are some that I like more. What I do like about the work is its incredible and vast range in style, media, impulse and imagery (this from a precursory look at what came up in google images) - its consistent change. So while I love looking at beautiful images, right now, I'd rather hear reflections from a life being lived artfully. I probably see too much beauty already, without knowing what to do with it.

Some notes out of context:

boredom and empty afternoons
waiting
not decisions but acceptance, listening, not understanding

wonderment
physical presence

make room for luck, luck will make room

deepest human desire is for narrative, for images, for drama
to have and tell a story

there is no hope for a rational society

light and shadow
dark ground - the undefined, the unknown, things that don't have a name
important to consider that ground, it will feed you and give legitimacy to what you do- darkness, shadow, vagueness, forgetfulness

experiences of mortality and relativity
who is under the persona, masked

psychedelic experiments, the person i am can disappear at any moment
fragility and questions of being

doubt, change

"the most interesting time is now"

portraiture of the total person, not that moment in time

art is manual labour

horizons, rivers and wells, floods

female bridge and male castle
flexibility and inclusivity vs simple complexity

separation from people makes one weak, you are result of people around you

not a circle but a spiral, opening up, dimensionality

letting go
openness vs clinging attachment, stopping flow

narrative of form
forms of narrative

eroticism metaphor for spirituality

talent - language - communication

contemplative traditions

interdependence of all things

cultivate your vulnerability

*All images by Francesco Clemente

nothing to be afraid of?

"No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of. "- Walter, in The Big Lebowski

While reading (on Wikipedia) about Freud's death drive, some things come up that resonate and loop in mysterious ways, both in terms of my current and previous research, and with life in general- but I suspect this might just be the magic of psychoanalytic theory. I seem to see meaningful (and not so meaningful) connections everywhere these days... so bear with me. Also I should mention that I will write about ether soon/eventually- rather than just contemplate it inside.

Back to the Death Drive.

Also referred to as the 'death instinct', (translation issues from German apparently), the human death drive is described as "the drive towards death, destruction, and non-existence."

Freud's Pleasure Principle puts forth that the human condition is predicated upon the maximization of pleasure and the avoidance of pain (id). Its mature counterpart, his Reality Principle, is what "compels one to defer instant gratification when necessary because of the obstacles of reality" (ego). Together, these 'instincts' can embody and explain human life and self-preservation, from birth to death.

From what I can tell, Freud's theory of the death drive, this idea that there exists an uncontrollable force within being that strives "to return to a pre-organic, inanimate state" (doesn't this kind of echo a famous scientific law?- that one DM uses to preface Heterotopias?), is meant to account for human behavior that, on the surface, run counter to his two principles. For example, sadism and masochism are not easily reconciled with neither the pleasure nor reality principle- they seem to oppose the drive for pleasure and coherence. They (and other human impulses of various scales and intensities) point toward our darker side.

*Wikipedia for all of the death drive information and quotes- the page can be accessed through the first link.

Strange connection 1:
Venus in Furs (1870), novel by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (after whom masochism is named), is rife with fragrance and odor, richly described by submissive protagonist. The scents reflect his forbidden affair with mistress as it begins, peaks and descends. Smells form a major dimension of the story (fantasy, erotism/eroticism, memory). see p140 of Gilbert.

Strange connection 2:
I've been meaning to lead this whole archive/death drive thing elliptically (potentially through Carolyn Steedman's writing on Archive Fever- with this little bit I recall about literal illness and death from researching in archives) to a discussion of smells of decay and decomposition. Material reality/natural evolutionary intent of bad odors seem to align with our culture's desire to forget/dismiss/deny mortality and death. Possible digressions into attitudes towards death and dying, illness, funeral rites... spirituality, immortality (immortality by kundera??), which ties into memory, remembrance, looping back to smell and instinct?

Strange connection 3:
from death drive wikipedia page linked to above:
On the origins of the death drive theory: "subjects often tended to repeat or re-enact these traumatic experiences, a phenomenon that Freud called repetition compulsion."

from my M1 notes, May 22, 2007:
“a word (archive) can never be a beginning but rather is always a mark of the empty place between a thing and its representation." (Steedman, Archives, Documentation, and Institutions of Social Memory, p6)

archive. Psychoanalysis
desire for origins
Freud – compulsion to repeat is the drive toward death. (end of M1 notes)

Am I driven towards death? Does this explain my fascination with archives? Also why I repeat my mistakes? (And by me, I pretty much mean all of us, everyone.)

Strange connection 4:
Lacan- Why do I have at least 3 books on my shelf on him? What originally prompted me to order them from the library? They are right next to a whole slew of books by/on Zizek... things it might have been about- perversion, voyeurism, desire, the other, the shadow- might've been during night and unconscious period? or maybe while reading up on Hejduk? all seem related somehow. privacy, trespass, boundary...

Strange connection 5:
Finally, to explain the opening image, the movie The Big Lebowski (definitely in Top 5) flashed through my mind when I first read the definition of death drive. I thought of the German nihilists first, though I see now that Freud can explain very well the motivations of The Dude and his fellow characters. I'm not sure why nihilism sprang to mind- maybe it was the "non-existence" bit... I googled nihilism and death drive and found two articles that look interesting:

Autodestruction and Nonexistence: Two Distinct Aspects of the Death Drive, (1986)
by Uri Lowental, M.D.

The Life Death Drives, (2007)
by Yazar Cengiz Erdem

The first article begins with this quotation:

"Death has two faces. One is nonbeing; the other is the terrifying material being that is the corpse. The form of nothingness — a fear that someday one ceases to be. As one grows older one pays more and more attention to the second, material side of death. Nonbeing is infinite emptiness…. It is no coincidence that all poems about death depict it as a journey, but the journey is in vain. When his ride is done, they find him in bed and bang his head on the threshold." -M. Kundera (1981)

Though it doesn't state in the citation, I have a feeling this passage is from The Book of Laughter and Forgetting... (this article confirms it! I'll double check in the book later) all I can say is, strange... Under pressure that day when we first met as a group, I chose this book to be in my top 5. I read it years ago. I don't even remember what it's about. I do remember that it made me feel both sad and hopeful, conflicted, confused... Why did its title emerge that day? I'm not sure if it'd be in my top 5 the day before or after, or if we had had a lot of time to think and assess, peruse titles and options. In any case, another strange connection.

Or maybe this just shows that my interests are too narrow and aligned, the way everything hooks up sort of neatly? Or that the realm of this thesis is too broad, if anything and everything fits in? I really need to find a way to focus/organize/ steer myself in one direction. Am I straying too far from scent?